Too Little Affection

My husband is leaving me because he says I don't show him enough affection. I grew up in a home that was emotionally distant. My siblings and I never showed any signs of affection to my parents or to each other and and my parents did not show affection toward us. It has never been a problem, because we understand that we all care and love each other. I told my husband that I would go to counseling to work on how can learn to show affection. I would like to explain to him this is a legitimate issue and that a lot of people experience it. He says that I'm the only one with this issue and I can easily solve it by changing. Is there a name for this problem, so I can show him this is legitimate and I need help with it?

You are quite right in believing that there are many people who, because of upbringing, early childhood experiences, and cultural factors, have difficulty being demonstrative with their affection. You are to be applauded and encouraged for your willingness to seek professional help. When children are raised in an unemotional, unaffectionate environment, they often experience various forms of attachment difficulties ranging from difficulty in forming intimate relationships, sharing feelings, feeling comfortable with physical contact, being emotionally detached from people, and so on. The list goes on with many variations.

In some cultures it is very common for people, men and women, hug and kiss one another as a way of greating one another; men kissing men and holding hands is just as common for women. In some cultures and some families it is frowned upon for two men to embrace. Without exploring your specific circumstances it would be difficult for me to tell whether your difficulties are culturally learned behaviors or whether there is an underlying attachment issue or other psychological difficulty with physical intimacy. That would be the function of the trained professional with whom you choose to consult.