Dr. Edward A. Dreyfus, a clinical psychologist, relationship counselor, sex therapist, and life coach, posts articles and information regarding a variety of psychological issues confronting people every day. In addition, he responds to questions about relationships, sexual difficulties, and other concerns that have been submitted through his website.

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Sunday, October 16, 2005

Intimacy and Kissing

Why would a partner who has no reservations about any other sexual or sensual experience refuse to kiss? He likes to experiment with anything new I ask him to do, even toys, but does not kiss me.

That's a question that should be asked of your partner. Kissing is a very intimate act. It creates too great a sense of closeness, a commitment that they do not want to make. Prostitutes often do not kiss their clients for this reason. They simply avoid it. Kissing is the first sensual act we learn. We kiss our parents and our children. So can become the most intimate sensual act, whereas during sexual intercourse we can detach ourselves from the experience. It becomes simply a physical act rather than an act of connection to our partner.

You mentioned all of the adventurous things that your partner is willing to participate in. But you do not say anything about intimacy. Activities that are purely sexual in nature are not necessarily intimate. They are playful. Kissing makes the event more intimate. Furthermore, in order for a couple to enjoy kissing, they must practice. However, some people have difficulty telling their partner that they do not like the way the partner kisses...or that their breath smells.


Anonymous AsYouWish said...

My boyfriend and I have been together 7 years. I am an optimist and of course he is the opposite. His lack of optimism and hope has been creating an increasing level of unhappiness and depression within me. I have begged him to try to have a better outlook and it always seems to end up that he is "the bad guy" for not being happy all the time. It has gotten to the point where I just want the sex and not the foreplay. We kiss but not often. And when he have sex not very often. Tonight he said that you never kiss me. Even when we have sex. And I realized that I think his attitude puts me off so much that I just don't end up kissing him much. I want to take some blame for this in that I obviously chose to keep myself safe from his anger by ignoring his behavior. But I did not want to do it by not kissing him. What is causing this in me? What can I do to get back on track? Will I if his attitude does not change?

12:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My husband and I have been married 13 years and together for almost 17. Our sex was good until I had my third child. Now we don't have sex often...maybe every 4-6 weeks. We are in our mid thirties. Also, my husband NEVER kisses me, ever. I told him that I want him too and like it, but he still doesn't. I feel so alone and there is no intimacy between us. I wish I knew what to do. I tried talking to him about it but we end up fighting.

6:18 AM  

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