Unhappily Married

I'm a 53 year old male, currently separated for over two years from a partner with whom I lived for nearly17 years before getting married. The marriage took place despite the fact that we were having extreme stresses and difficulties at that stage of our relationship. After the marriage, I was unsettled and unhappy about the relationship, and I resented the marriage, but I went along because my wife thought it was the right thing to do for financial security reasons. I then had an affair which precipitated the separation. I think I'm still very much in love with the other woman, but I can't face divorce because of the pain I will cause, but I also know I will be resigned to the marriage. What steps should I take to resolve my conflict?

It appears that you have been unhappy for over half of your life.You married despite all of the warning signals that this relationship was not going well. Apparently neither of you decided that it was either time to quit or, at the very least, to seek professional help for yourselves and the relationship.I think it is about time that you took a good hard look at yourself and what you want out of life. You seem to be rather passive in your life, taking direction from women. You might want to think about what you want your life to be; what are your vision, your mission, and your values? Once you have a vision, you should then take steps toward achieving that vision. It is difficult to say from your brief description of your situation whether a life coach or a psychotherapist would be in the better position to help you.In either case, however, it is high time that you sought consultation for the next chapters of your life.