Issues of Trust

I have lived with my boyfriend for 9 months and love him dearly. However, we have trust issues. He is suspicious by nature and reads my emails and constantly 'checks up on me'. He often cites Dr. Phil as an excuse and says there should be total transparency in a relationship. I agree but don't think this should be taken to extremes. He insists on knowing my passwords etc.

There is a big difference between transparency and privacy. Transparency refers to a genuine and open relationship, where no attempt is made to deliberately hide important information from one's partner that might affect the relationship. Transparency offers each partner the opportunity to fully know one another. It requires that each individual voluntarily make an effort to reveal themselves to one another in an effort to be real. While total transparency might be a goal, it does not mean that individuals in a relationship are not entitled to privacy. The concept of transparency does not give license to the parties to violate personal boundaries, to invade personal space, or to be intrusive. Even the most transparent of individuals have areas of thought and action that are not open to public scrutiny. These areas might include reading someone else's mail whether postal mail or email, reading a personal diary or journal, demanding to know the content of all conversations held with other people, etc.

Trust is a two-way street. It suggests that each party will take a leap of faith that says that each believes that the other will not do anything to intentional harm the other person. Trust is gradually built as we learn more about each other. Transparency facilitates trust. When you describe your boyfriend as checking up on you, this suggests that he has not made that leap of faith. He does not respect your privacy. And he is not building intimacy. He seems more concerned about his own insecurities than he is about the affect of his behavior on the relationship. I suggest that either he backs off or that you back out.