My Boyfriend Prefers Porn
Q: Can you tell me why my boyfriend would rather sneak behind my back and watch porn, rather than enjoy it with me? We have been together for over a year and we are both 41 years, good looking and in good shape. I am not jealous and willing to experiment sexually. Yet he won't include me in his sexual masturbation fantasies; his deception and excluding me has really made me feel insecure. Please help me understand what the problem is?
A: I receive a large number of questions from women trying to understand men and their relationship to pornography and masturbation. It is a very common for women to think that a man’s interest in pornography reflects disinterest in the woman and perhaps that the man finds her unattractive.
In order to understand a man’s sexual behavior one has to understand how a male develops from the time he first discover his penis. When he discovers his penis as a source of pleasure, he learns to masturbate. However, masturbation is often viewed as a shameful activity. In some homes and churches, masturbation is viewed as a sin or least an activity that is frowned upon. Hence, it creates a conflict between what is bad or sinful and that which is pleasurable. Most of the time pleasure wins out, but leaves the man feeling guilty. As with most sinful or guilt-ridden acts, it becomes an activity that goes underground. It becomes an activity that must be kept hidden and private. Illicit activity, in and of itself, is exciting. When added to sexuality, it is even more exciting.
Another aspect of male sexuality is that men are very visual in their sexual appetites. They enjoy looking at women, looking at movies of women, looking at pictures in magazines, peeking under dresses, looking down at cleavages, and peeking through keyholes. All of this activity has to be done on the sly. That is, from the time they were boys, they don’t want to be discovered doing this forbidden activity; in this case merely looking becomes forbidden. Doing that which is forbidden becomes associated with sexual excitement. Having sex in forbidden places is an offshoot of this pursuit of the sinful. It adds to the pleasure. In the beginning men hide their Penthouse, Playboy, or Hustler magazines in the closet or under the mattress. Then they hide their other pornographic material.
Putting it all together we find that both looking and masturbation are “sinful” activities that must be kept hidden and done in secret.
This is a long-winded discourse that might help you understand your mate and allay your insecurities. Your boyfriend’s masturbatory activity, in and of itself, has very little to do with you. He did it long before you came into his life. However, if boyfriend prefers his solitary activity to engaging in sexual play with you, then there may be a problem. If your sexual life with him is satisfactory, your insecurity is unwarranted and something that you might want to explore. One activity should not be at the expense of the other. Perhaps you and he ought to have a conversation that focuses on the nature of your relationship rather than on his masturbatory behavior.
A: I receive a large number of questions from women trying to understand men and their relationship to pornography and masturbation. It is a very common for women to think that a man’s interest in pornography reflects disinterest in the woman and perhaps that the man finds her unattractive.
In order to understand a man’s sexual behavior one has to understand how a male develops from the time he first discover his penis. When he discovers his penis as a source of pleasure, he learns to masturbate. However, masturbation is often viewed as a shameful activity. In some homes and churches, masturbation is viewed as a sin or least an activity that is frowned upon. Hence, it creates a conflict between what is bad or sinful and that which is pleasurable. Most of the time pleasure wins out, but leaves the man feeling guilty. As with most sinful or guilt-ridden acts, it becomes an activity that goes underground. It becomes an activity that must be kept hidden and private. Illicit activity, in and of itself, is exciting. When added to sexuality, it is even more exciting.
Another aspect of male sexuality is that men are very visual in their sexual appetites. They enjoy looking at women, looking at movies of women, looking at pictures in magazines, peeking under dresses, looking down at cleavages, and peeking through keyholes. All of this activity has to be done on the sly. That is, from the time they were boys, they don’t want to be discovered doing this forbidden activity; in this case merely looking becomes forbidden. Doing that which is forbidden becomes associated with sexual excitement. Having sex in forbidden places is an offshoot of this pursuit of the sinful. It adds to the pleasure. In the beginning men hide their Penthouse, Playboy, or Hustler magazines in the closet or under the mattress. Then they hide their other pornographic material.
Putting it all together we find that both looking and masturbation are “sinful” activities that must be kept hidden and done in secret.
This is a long-winded discourse that might help you understand your mate and allay your insecurities. Your boyfriend’s masturbatory activity, in and of itself, has very little to do with you. He did it long before you came into his life. However, if boyfriend prefers his solitary activity to engaging in sexual play with you, then there may be a problem. If your sexual life with him is satisfactory, your insecurity is unwarranted and something that you might want to explore. One activity should not be at the expense of the other. Perhaps you and he ought to have a conversation that focuses on the nature of your relationship rather than on his masturbatory behavior.
posted by DocDreyfus | 9:48 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home